You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
