TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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