Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
