It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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