Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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