Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
