PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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