How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
