my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize