My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
this boner is exhausting
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I need a beard to bite.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize