I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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