i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
