so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
