I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
