The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
