i just wanna soil my oats bro
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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