I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Im part way to drunk.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
