I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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