you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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