I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That accounts for only three of the penises
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He shit in the fireplace
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
