i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
