we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
