So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize