halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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