It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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