i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You made out with two different species that night
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize