Your tits are I can't wait for
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
