She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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