This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
