I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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