My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh god it's open bar.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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