you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
