Ketchup is God's man juice
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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