Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize