But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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