if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We left an ass print on the piano.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
