She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize