The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
