I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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