So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
