Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
