every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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