Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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