I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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