I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
