i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
