You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
