Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
