I never want to see another naked old woman again.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
