I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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