im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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