can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
