Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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