You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
