Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
