Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
