i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have fence marks all over my body
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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