census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
