i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize