I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
