cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
