Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
