Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
