doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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