I smell stomach acid.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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