Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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