I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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