no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
