I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
