I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
