2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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