The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
