apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize