do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
