I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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