no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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