i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
