you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
