He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
